People are so helpful and loving when they see my vulnerability. Doors are opened, smiles given, open hearts extended. Of course, I wonder why we don't always treat everyone we come in contact with this way. What makes this moment in my life so special? Why has my vulnerability (which I hate) achieved connectedness that I have struggled to reach? People, strangers, have opened their hearts to me--sharing their pain and troubles and challenges. At times I struggle with this; sometimes, I simply do not want to hear about another person's physical journey when I'm busy find my way along my own untraveled path. Ultimately, it is this connectedness that I have searched for. The other along my path is me. I'm so much more aware (now that I have the time because I'm so slow) of how easy it is to send love and strength through the very weakness that I have feared.
This begs the eternal question that all (most) of us ask. Why am I here? What is my purpose in this moment? Maybe I'm simply learning that I can have the courage to momentarily walk with some one who needs encouragement, but is too afraid to ask. Maybe I'm learning that I am worth having some one help me or simply learning that I am worth the effort required to surrender to the present.
I've also started to learn a little more tolerance. I have had acquaintances/friends take pot-shots at me--firing off judgements and very poor advice regarding my vulnerabilities....I even had some one race me to the bathroom when they heard me clinking down the aisle...really? But, for the first time, I've been able to step back and chuckle, recognizing that their aggression has nothing to do with me. It is mainly about what is going on within themselves and I'm an easy target for releasing their discomfort. Yep, I'm a lot slower (hate it). I've made a couple of executive decisions regarding my being slightly late most of the time (crutches take a lot of time)--the world will not come to an end if I'm a few minutes late, and I'm worth not putting the pressure on myself just to prove that I'm still "perfect"--I'm not.
I'm also (finally) learning how to "go with the flow"---I just don't have the TIME (because I'm always late) to do anything else, but skip merrily along. And guess what? Everything seems just a bit smoother, lighter--sales have picked up, too.
I guess that the saying is true: NO PAIN/NO GAIN.
I'm scheduled for surgery next month------surgeon is on vacation (wouldn't you know??) and then he's booked solid. (sh__!) I guess that I've got a few lessons left....
Auction Thursday is tomorrow and I have scoped out a couple of things. We'll see what turns up.
Blessing for the last full month of summer!!
Mary & Jones & Cole