The end of 2014 and all of 2015 were the roughest of years for me--prior to these months, I was a bit arrogant in thinking that since I had already triumphed/overcome so much--life would be smooth sailing. That since I'd already hit the wall innumerable times, it simply couldn't happen again. BOY!!! WAS I MISTAKEN (a thousand exclamation points). I won't go into any gory details as that's pretty boring at this point, but everything and anything that could possibly have happened, happened....life was completely upside-down. For months I questioned what the point was. Where in the world was the benefit hiding, as I'm firmly convinced there are blessings in every situation. But, surely, not seeing them last year.
Today, looking at those HUGE, very phallic lamps, that I bought last week (I didn't even preview them--a big no-no), I realized what the gifts of the last year were: I grew; my awareness of life expanded; a sense of freedom (and a bit of WTF) surrounds me; serendipity is much more in play and I'm content...simply putting one foot in front of the other. My boundaries are sooo much stronger; keeping silence easier; knowing that I am connected to all. I never in a million years would have purchased lamps like these guys: they are not antique; they need a bit of work; they are different colors; they are so MACHO; who will ever buy them; not my style; rather "fugly" ("f______" ugly); not the usual Mary Perfection; I need another pair of lamps like a new hole in my head; didn't know who made them.....etc., etc., etc. But I guess the hidden (forbidden) side of me is coming out. Perhaps my internal, mean self-critic is finally silenced? That mean self-critic has definitely kept me separate from connections, from joy, from creativity. And guess what? EVERYONE who "gets" great current design loves those lamps. Let's not forget they are enormous, a full 45" to the tops of the finials (almost as tall as me).
I even felt empowered to buy a Robsjohn-Gibbings chest of drawers (I've always wanted one of these guys--look at that amazing hardware) that needs a huge amount of work--total refinishing because some dummy painted it black instead of lacquering it black (big difference). When the chest is brought up to snuff it will look like this guy that I pulled off 1stdibs
This guy is my usual style--understated but sexy. They "new me" decision maker didn't care that I'd have to spend about $600-$700 to relacquer the piece or about my usual high profit margin. I just did it. Hmmmm, I guess the Nike slogan has been right all along.
Mary, Jones (new haircut today) and Cole